hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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