My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
