chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
