just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
