There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
