You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
