First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
