Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
