I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
