id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
