i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The air was thick with penises
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
