Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
