There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
