I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
