WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
