maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
