U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
