On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
