I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
