oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
