I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
