sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
