i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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