So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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