is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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