tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
