Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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