Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish they made helmets for livers.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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