she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
