how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
