You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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