Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
