You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
