I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
