I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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