Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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