I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
