I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
