I love black thongs
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
