I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
