He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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