You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she smelled like a LAN party
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
