I need help removing her.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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