Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
