Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
