His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
