Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
