Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
