Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
