Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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