ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
