angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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