I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
