Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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